Prologue
Stuff happens! (had to replace the S*** word with “Stuff”, because the post is supposed to be PG 13) Now don’t scratch your head over what PG 13 means; just google it. So, I was talking about stuff happens and our childhood isn’t an exception. When most of the people speak of ‘childhood’, all that they blab about is being goody-goody and crib about their lost innocence. Don’t worry! I’m not going to be a buzzkill by doing either of the mentioned things. What I am going to do is, share two anecdotes from my not at all righteous childhood/teenage. Sit back, read and have fun!
Chapter 1: The Candy Heist
One fine afternoon during the Diwali vacation of 2004, I came up with this idea of getting a common computer among all the friends for playing IGI (A popular game in 2004 BCS, Before Counter Strike). You all must now be thinking of me as a rich kid, working for the common good of my friends. Let me stop you right there! I wasn’t rich in terms of money, but was in terms of ideas and plans. Those days owning a computer was symbol of power and prestige. And if one possessed it, this would automatically make him the Patron of the Friends’ Gang. I wished to be the patron and I also had a plan for it. Did I succeed though? Let’s find out.
One upon a time, there used to be a candy named ‘Mahalacto’, available in all the stores (I don’t know if it still exists). In the year 2004, this candy company, held a contest; which was completing the name ‘MAHALACTO” by collecting the wrappers of the candy (obviously by buying them) and the prize for this contest was a brand-new computer! I first tried the honesty card by buying the candies (One at a time, because of CCC [Childhood Cash Crunch]). The only letters that I could ever get were ‘M’ and ‘C’ (I guess this was my destiny’s way of hurling abuses at me)! Then, I used the cunning card for making this dream come true. The plan was simple; steal a huge jar of ‘Mahalacto’ from one of the provisional stores, whose owner wouldn’t pose any threat to me and my friends’ lives. Guess what? I already had a store in my mind.
I shared my plan of the heist with my gang which was; one of my friends was going to distract the owner and the other was going to steal the jar in the meanwhile. The other members of the gang were to be positioned at different places to help carry the jar (it was supposed to look like relay) and everybody agreed. So, the plan was perfect (because the genius me didn’t anticipate the practicality in implementing this plan). On the D-day, when one of my friends actually lifted the jar and started running, hell broke loose and the relay members started running in no direction because broad daylight, panic, and the rival gangs’ chasing took over. The friend who stole the jar from the shop tossed it over to other friend and the other friend could not catch it. The jar fell down and we were caught red handed. Fortunately, the shopkeeper and the rival gang members showed some mercy upon returning the jar (we weren’t roughed up by anyone)! This heist was a perfect example of planning a heist in la-la land (not the movie; google the term).
Chapter 2: The Love Letter Debacle
Blame it on the movies! I still console myself by saying this, whenever I reminisce this incident. This one replicates a typical romantic Bollywood movie. Here it goes: In 2006, one of my friends had a crush on a girl (It’s better to be specific these days). This girl was one-year junior to us. She too had a crush on this friend of mine. ‘Those days’, my handwriting was really good, so my friend requested me to write his love letter in my handwriting. I felt honored to do it and I did it. Here’s what happened next: This friend also asked me to deliver this letter to his girl. As, I was his ‘go to’ guy in the school, I delivered this letter to the girl in the school recess. The girl read it and was very happy (I got to know this from my friend later). Love was in the air (For them)!
The next day, my mother (who still teaches at the same school) came to my classroom and called me out. She told me that she needed some help in the staffroom. While we were walking towards the staffroom, my mother asked me whether I had delivered any letter to any girl. I just said ‘yes’. She nodded to my response without making any eye contact (Danger! Danger! My mother never made an eye contact when she was angry and this also meant somebody was gonna get hurt really bad!) So, the moment we entered the staffroom my mother pounced on me and she beat the stuff (Remember PG 13?) out of me. The other teachers present in the staffroom, rescued me from the manslaughter (should I say sonslaughter? My jokes are meh, aren’t they?) that was about to take place. I’ll now tell you how and why this happened.
The girl kept the letter in the pocket of her skirt, which was discovered by her mother who then revealed it to the girl’s father. The girl’s father thrashed the girl first and then cared to ask who delivered the letter. To which the girl replied… Any guesses? The one and only, the not so smart and definitely the best trouble magnet, ME! The girl’s father launched a complaint against me with the school’s principal. The principal had a meeting with my mother, the girl’s father and the girl herself. The girl in the meeting (Thank God!) confessed that the letter was from somebody else but written and delivered by me. But my bashing, both physically and mentally, had already taken place. This is how I paid a hefty price for being a messenger of love.
Epilogue
Hope you have had your moment of schadenfreude (another term for you to add to your google list), by reading this blog-post on my childhood/teenage fails by now. But remember this: though my heist was a complete disaster, I still managed to become a professor (Could be the plot for ‘Money Heist’ in a parallel universe) and I don’t send, post or, deliver love letters to anybody anymore (Because I do the talking and it’s much safer. No traces to leave!)
PS: I would like to thank my one friend, the other friend, the another friend and all my other friends for these memories to laugh at.
(Readers!!! sorry for not revealing the concerned names. Better luck next time.)
Punit Nitin Kawathekar,
Full-Time Faculty, ELTIS