You may have heard all the wise oldies telling you about how kids are a gift from God, a bundle of joy, and how they change your life for good. On the other hand, they ‘forget to’ or ‘purposely’ don’t tell you about the sleepless nights, potty cleaning, endlessly carrying the baby till your arms feel like they are going to fall off and of course, being unable to do most things you enjoyed doing before as it isn’t ‘baby friendly’.
After two years of marriage, we decided to have our bundle of joy and on August 18, 2018 came Gemma into our lives. She was surely a lovely, cute little baby but a monster as well because with her came months of sleepless nights. People tell you that babies sleep 22 hours a day, which sounds fantastic, until you have one and realize that they wake up every two hours to feed, making you literally feel like a cow which leaves you absolutely exhausted (No wise oldie will ever warn you about this!).
I had always been excited about being a mother. But once Gemma was born, my life changed completely. There were times I felt frustrated and even depressed as I had to give up on so many things that I enjoyed doing in my free time. All I had to do is live a life that suited her best. It was not about what I wanted, but everything that she wanted and made her feel comfortable.
However, as months went by, I was getting used to her being with me and things were getting better. I rejoined work after Gemma was about five and half months old. Whenever I would return home from work, Gemma would give me a warm welcome and would flash the most beautiful smile. She couldn’t say anything but she still communicated how much she missed me the whole day by clinging to me and not letting me out of her sight. I began to feel a connection with her. I realized that she was the best gift God could ever give me. I experienced unconditional love from her just like I receive from my mother. I then realized that the oldies were not wrong after all.
The year 2020 has been both a boon and a bane. I got to spend a lot of time with Gemma, which was great. Gemma loved having her mom home all the time and tried to spend every waking moment with me. This proved a challenge when having to take online classes as well as doing other work-related things.
Once we had to report to work, it was a challenge leaving home every day as Gemma wouldn’t let me go as she never understood why I had to leave her and go. She is now used to my daily routine, however once I am back home, she leaps into my arms and refuses to let me leave her sight.
Does it get easier once the kids grow? The answer is – it doesn’t. As the kids grow, the challenges just change for both, the children and the parents. You go from changing nappies to supervising play dates and playing mediator in fights between kids (not fun).
I once asked my dad, “Daddy, when did parenting become easier for you?” He looked at me amused and said “I will let you know when it becomes easier”.
In my experience, having a kid is a wonderful experience, it’s difficult but worth it. I wish my two-year-old never grows up, because I know and fear that one day, she won’t need me. But as parents we have to learn to let go.
However, my advice to everyone planning to have a child is to make sure you have a support structure in place as my parents and in-laws have made the experience a lot more pleasant. However, having a kid, changes your life a lot. So, make sure you are mentally prepared!
Carmeline Sequira
Full-Time Faculty